You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
