my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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