Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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