I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
