Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
God I need to hump something, right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize