i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
