he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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