You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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