i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait