I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain