Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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