his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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