Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
