Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
