We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
