He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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