3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I faked an abortion last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
