This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
