Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
