I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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