i permit you to call me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
