just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
