Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
