shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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