the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
