i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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