How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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