Yo dont text me then not text me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
