If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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