Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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