the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
