it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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