I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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