dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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