Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
