i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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