the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
