I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
