dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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