She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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