My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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