I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize