At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
accomplished twins. life is a go
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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