Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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