we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
