I think i sorta joined a cult last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
