My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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