When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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