I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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