you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
