Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
