i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
