remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
