toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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