I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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