Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize