Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
