using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
